Two mice from Wisconsin meet a suicidal robot on the back-streets of Prague.
Jsem Robot
by Terry Dugan
Copyright © 2009
This play can be performed royalty-free. As a courtesy, please contact the author.
Cast of characters
CHRIS, an overweight American mouse from Wisconsin
MOUSER, his portly wife
ROBOT, an aged robot manufactured in the Czech Republic
The KAFCO 5000, a cultural translation device
SCENE: A back alley in Prague, Czech Republic. Part of the stage is a maze, possibly made up of piles of discarded maps and other junk left behind by tourists.
AT RISE: Somewhere in an open area near the front of the stage, a ROBOT stands behind a puppet’s stage and plays with headless marionettes. Marionette heads are hanging in decoration around the frame of the puppet stage. Two mice, MOUSER and CHRIS, can be heard off-stage and enter the maze, eventually meeting up with the ROBOT.
MOUSER
Just admit that you have no idea where we’re going.
CHRIS
We’re not lost.
MOUSER
Well, we’re definitely not anywhere near the TGI Fridays.
CHRIS
I’m so hungry.
(MOUSER enters.)
MOUSER
That’s what walking around in a circle all day does to you, Chris.
(CHRIS enters. One of his hands is a map.)
CHRIS
When I get home, I’m getting back on that wheel. I’m so out of shape.
MOUSER
What street are we looking for, again?
CHRIS
I think it’s “Na Porcupine.” Do you see a sign for this street, Mouser?
MOUSER
I haven’t seen a sign on any street in this entire city.
CHRIS
Well, at least we’re having a wonderful time in the most beautiful back-alleys in Europe. Who knew there were so many different architectural styles one could use to construct a drainage pipe? Can you imagine how old some of the holes in these buildings are?
MOUSER
Yes, and I’ll never forget the fourth time I stepped in dog poop.
CHRIS
Soak it in, Mouser. Soak it in. When we’re back in Wisconsin and it’s cold and snowing, you’ll wish you were back in Prague, stepping in dog poop.
MOUSER
When you put it that way, I guess it is romantic.
CHRIS
Now, if we can just find the TGI Fridays, our romantic day in Prague would be complete.
MOUSER
I can just taste those fried mozzarella sticks now. The Czech fried cheese tastes like tofu.
CHRIS
But at least it’s fried.
MOUSER
At least it’s fried.
CHRIS
(Coming upon the ROBOT.)
Mouser, look!
MOUSER
Oh my stars!
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